Struggles of life

I am just a normal human being who has struggled to achieve love, happiness and career. Career wise I am an IITian who graduated from IIT Kanpur after lots of struggles. I was enrolled in prime Bansal Classes of Kota. If you have watched Kota factory then, you probably know the struggles faced by a budding engineering aspirant. 

I remember the day when my JEE rank was declared in the first attempt. I was not qualified. My mother became too nervous to see her child dreams shattered. Then I took the bold decision to drop one more year and work hard to achieve my goals. Supported by parents I took up one year course at Kota and worked hard. After ups and downs in the tests conducted at the coaching institute, I finally passed the exam. That moment was heroic to see my rank on IIT JEE portal. 

This anecdote is not unique but still a way to look upon my hardships faced in the preparation. I slipped 300 ranks in the internal batch reshuffling tests at Bansal classes. This gave rise to anxiety and negativity. the fear of failure in exam loomed over me. But then with hard work I gained success in the next reshuffling test to get promoted to the top batch. This was my share of struggle. 

Happiness is still in the journey despite setbacks. Working harder gave me higher levels of dopamine. One of my friends suggested that when you go through pain of any kind, try to involve yourself in another pain. This would relieve the earlier pain. 

This is a fair piece of advice. I was a metallurgical engineer at Tata Steel. I was not enjoying my work. I attended one of CSR activity in a nearby village and the idea of becoming a civil servant hit me. I felt that I will not have to work If I choose this work. So I resigned. That gave immense pain as I faced failures in my endeavours.

However, by God's grace I qualified Bihar State PSC exam. This gave me hope. I also enjoyed my job thoroughly. I may be a public servant in the eyes of my fellow citizens , an officer, but this has not come without fair share of further struggles.

So sometimes I feel, what is life? Is it a series of struggles? Or is the happiness wired in the struggles? 

I fail to get the answer, but still I wonder over it in my times of solitude. I look at the stars up above the sky on cloudy nights and wonder about the creations of God. This gives me a sense of ecstasy as I come to believe that God exists looking at those wonders. I also come to believe that struggles have made me the person I am today. And the happiness was not something to be achieved by reaching the destination but was in the journey.